The Baby on the Desk

Dear co-workers,

dear clients,

dear boss,

dear learning friends,

filled with joy and, yes, anxiety, I shared the news on our baby boy. To be honest, I was worried and anxious not only about how it would change my life but my career. But, you all have been amazing: welcoming life and hope.

By now, most of you have noticed the baby on the desk (or under, when a diaper change is needed). I appreciate you all for accepting a way of working that I never really thought would be possible. Parenthood in today’s world is not easy (or has it ever been easy?!). And I understand that one example does not capture the experiences of all, but I hope that my example can show that it is possible to be both: a mom and a professional. Even or especially during COVID. Let’s face it, the world is constantly changing and COVID rubbed the question of what normal actually means right under our noses.

For some, normal might mean to do things a certain, a ‘proven’ way, maybe apply some learnings but in general, to do how and what has been done previously. Normal. For others, normal might mean to do what fits the moment of need; to be more flexible and in a way daring to try new ways and test alternate routes. Also normal.

The latter has been my reality and I am thankful that I have been able to take this route as it has taught me a sense of humility and acceptance of what is out of my control. Ironically, it has also allowed me to actually be in control of what would otherwise be “handed over” to someone else, for example, when it comes to my children’s care. Either way, let me back up a bit and share with you how the baby ended up on my desk and what challenges and also opportunities it has brought about.

---

When I had my daughter in 2015, I worked for myself and quite frankly, we relied on my husbands income to support our family. Daycare was not an option – we simply could not afford it. But, humans do what humans do: make it work. So we did and I managed well enough to work part-time, while staying home with my daughter. The hardest part in the pre-COVID-time was to accept having my child with me while working even though my job allowed for it; I was able to move client meetings to early morning hours – which worked fine with virtual meetings and primarily Europe-based clients.

On the flip side, I had to give up my adjunct position with the University of Denver. I advocated for a hybrid model for the classes I taught – something I had successfully done while working for the University of Mary Hardin Baylor. I even tried to convince the chair to turn my position into full-time. It did not work out in my favor, and thus, with the birth of my daughter, I made the decision to leave academia behind.

To my surprise, focusing fully on the work I did as an instructional designer and educational consultant, worked out in my favor. Even with my child by my side. It was reassured that I could do both.

---

Forward to 2018, we now were able to afford sending my daughter to daycare – she needed it, too – and I was able to focus on developing myself professionally. I embraced growing professionally and taking on bigger and more strategic projects again. However, COVID caused us to pull our daughter out of day care, keep her home, and figure out a new way of working once again. Now, it wasn’t just my choice because millions of others began to work remotely as well and more so than not: with their children at home. Up until that point I was the only remote person on the team. But guess what?! COVID made work a lot easier in terms of collaboration, however, a lot harder in terms of family management. Yet, once again, we worked it out, creating flexible schedules that worked for me and my family as well as my teams and clients.

---

Then the news: baby #2.

I had just taken on a new project. A big one, with lots of learnings for me to be had. I guess, with a baby on the way, I actually had two strategic projects to juggle. And in the beginning, I hated the thought of having to turn it over to someone else. I had worked so hard it was not easy to let it go. Then, I had COVID. The stress this diagnosis brought with it, magnified everything. Again, blessed with a support system at home and at work, I managed. Baby managed as well and arrived right on time; happy and healthy. I enjoyed taking time off. I needed it. But what about that project?! I was curious and baby was sleeping... a lot. I got lucky again. Like my first, my baby boy also turned out to be an easy baby. At 3 months, he was sleeping through the night and his schedule became as predictable as mine. I asked to return to work early and use up my hours to slowly ease back in. So...

Thank you, co-workers, for telling me I inspire you, for all I did was having a baby. And, for allowing me to repeat my questions or comments because sometimes, I get a bit distracted.

Thank you, clients, for trusting my ability, even when I have to adjust a meeting to my feeding schedule or when I have to place the baby on the desk to make a funny face.

Thank you, boss, for pushing to accept what’s normal (having a baby and still work!) especially in times during which normal is as fluid as my morning coffee. And also, for making my kids think you are the one sending candy bars to our house.

And, thank you, learning friends, the JBA-Crew, Eva, Elina, and anyone who keeps pushing me to grow, challenge the old and test out the new.

As always, be kind – we live in crazy times and yes, women are still more likely to carry additional weight when it comes to babies (literally): yet, it’s up to us to reframe what this looks like and what it means at the workplace.

By the way, The baby remains on my desk until its time to graduate him to the play pen.